Always, Abigail Read online

  “I am A BIG FAT JERK!” I wrote it in my neatest, fanciest handwriting.

  The Note I Found in My Friendly Letter Mailbox in LA

  Abigail,

  That’s cool. Little kids aren’t for everyone. I should know. I babysit a lot. The extra money is great, but sometimes the kids are a real pain.

  We got our extra credit points, relived the whole Three Billy Goats Gruff nightmare, and had a few troll laughs. What more can you want?

  Later,

  Gabby

  The One Correction I Made to the Inside Cover of My Social Studies Notebook While I Stared out the Window and Watched the Little Kids Play on the Playground

  I am the BIGGEST FATTEST JERK!!!!!!!! In the world!!!!! (Now it didn’t look so neat and fancy, but it didn’t look nearly as ugly and messy as I felt.)

  The Reason I Wish I Could Melt into the Floor Like the Wicked Witch of the West

  In LA we played Spelling 500—Speedway for Super Spellers, a game only Old Hawk could dream up. I ended up on a team with Jackson Dawber, Brent Undervale, Melissa Stanson, and Gabby Marco.

  As usual everyone on the team was ignoring Gabby. A couple weeks ago, that wouldn’t have bothered me. But now it made my head throb. She’d covered for me when I tackled her. We’d sort of had fun helping Old Hawk with the books. And she’d helped me out of the puddle. I couldn’t stop thinking about her mom being dead, and I didn’t even want to know what the story was with her dad.

  And what had I done? Totally blown her off. The least she could do was be mean to me. But she never was. It was enough to make a person gag.

  We were on our final lap of Spelling 500. I needed to spell my word correctly to get our team over the finish line first. Lately my brain was so filled up with guilt, humiliation, and shame, I was having trouble concentrating. I was lucky to spell my name correctly. So of course, I missed the word, even though it was an easy one.

  Jackson Dawber, troll boy that he is, said to Brent, “Falling in that puddle the other day must’ve knocked the sense right out of her.”

  Normally I would’ve been able to blow off something Jackson said, especially if he said it to someone like Brent, and especially if I deserved it for missing such an easy word. But because of the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad place I was in, my lava erupted.

  I jumped up. I wanted to strangle the stupidity right out of him.

  Gabby yelled, “Remember the troll!”

  Her voice stopped me in midair, and I fell on the floor before I even touched Jackson. Gabby ran over and crouched down next to me and whispered, “Troll nose. Troll chin. Troll hair. It’s all there.”

  The whole class gathered around Gabby and me like we were a car wreck on the side of the road.

  “Miss Hendrick,” Jackson said, pretending to be all concerned, “I think our team needs some help from the pit crew.”

  Old Hawk rushed over when she saw us on the floor. “Good heavens! What is going on here, ladies?”

  Gabby flashed me one of her lemons-into-lemonade business cards, and before I knew it, I was lying on the floor laughing in Gabby’s bizarro way until I started to cry.

  Seven Things Old Hawk Said to Me When She Made Me Stay after Class

  1.“Abigail, what is the meaning of these inappropriate outbursts?”

  2.“First, you tackle your dear friend Gabby Marco.” (I knew Old Hawk hadn’t believed Gabby’s cover-up story.)

  3.“Now you disrupt a perfectly lovely game of Spelling 500 by lunging at Jackson. Who, no doubt, somehow deserved this, but that is beside the point.”

  4.“You seem to be forgetting that in middle school it is important that you be striving to not only excel academically, which by the way you are struggling to do, but also to excel in the area of becoming a well-mannered young lady. Controlling your temper is of the utmost importance.”

  5.“And furthermore, your mother would be appalled at this kind of behavior.”

  6.“Now I suggest you begin using some type of anger management coping strategy, such as counting to ten, or you will be counting your steps as you march yourself straight down to Mr. Buckley’s office.”

  7.“Are we clear, young lady?”

  The Only Thing I Could Say after Old Hawk’s Lecture

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Three Things That Happened That Day at Pom-Pom Practice

  1.When I got to the gym, the girls were laughing behind my back about the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad puddle incident. As soon as they saw me, they pretended to be sympathetic.

  2.Alli, fluttering her mascara-crusted eyelashes (since when did she wear mascara?), said, “You must’ve died when that ‘flabby freak’ Gabby got off the bus and helped you.”

  She sounded exactly like Jackie when she said it. She even cracked her gum like Jackie.

  3.I felt the lava inside me start to heat up. Silently I counted 1…2…3…and in my mind, I stirred the simmering lava.

  The Reason Why in My Head I Had to Count Way Past Ten

  I was mad at J&M and supermad at AlliCam for laughing at me. But deep down, I was even more furious with myself for not telling Alli to shut up when she called Gabby a flabby freak. But how could I?

  The Reason Why Old Hawk’s Anger Management Plan Didn’t End up Making Me Very Ladylike and Well-Mannered

  As I counted well past one hundred, I kept picturing myself smothering each of the pom-pom girls with their own pom-poms. But Old Hawk’s warning about being sent to Mr. B’s office was fresh in my mind, so I held myself back. The lava continued to simmer inside me. Pretty soon, my head felt like it would explode.

  Three Things My Mom Asked Me When I Got Home

  1.What’s wrong?

  2.Are you sick?

  3.Do you want to talk about anything?

  The Three Answers I Gave

  1.Everything.

  2.I wish I were sick so I could stay home from school. Forever.

  3.Did you ever wish you hadn’t been so mean to someone?

  One Thing My Mom Said

  Yes.

  One Thing I Asked

  What did you do about it?

  One Answer My Mom Gave

  Figured out how to make it right.

  The One Thing about My Mom’s Answer

  I already knew what I had to do before my mom even answered my question.

  Two Reasons Why, Even Though It Was Far, I Walked to Gabby’s House on Sunday

  1.I had to apologize to her, for everything.

  2.Walking so far would be a good way to punish myself for being so mean.

  Three Reasons I Was Scared to Go to Gabby’s House

  1.I was afraid of what it might look like inside the dented-up trailer barn house.

  2.Her tree-climbing, crazy brother might be home.

  3.I really didn’t know what I was going to say.

  Four Things That Happened When I Got to Gabby’s

  1.The knot in my stomach tightened when Gabby’s lumberjack brother, Paul Bunyan, came to the door. He was dressed in a clean sweatshirt and jeans that looked new, not the tree-climbing flannel shirt and ripped pants he’d worn when he came to terrorize the kids on the bus. He smelled like an oak tree.

  When I said I was there to see Gabby, he smiled through the screen door of the dented-up trailer barn house.

  “You must be Abigail.”

  I couldn’t believe he knew my name. My older brother barely knew Cami’s and Alli’s names, and we’d been friends since we were five.

  2.He said Gabby was babysitting somewhere in the neighborhood. He told me to wait so he could get some paper. He wanted to write down my name and phone number.

  I didn’t really want to leave my name and number with a crazy lumberjack, but because he seemed so happy that someone had come to see his sister, I just stood there on the porch, and he
disappeared into another room in the house.

  3.While he was gone getting the paper, I peeked through the screen door to see what it was like inside. Surprisingly, the house wasn’t bad. The furniture and carpeting weren’t new, but they were clean. The living room was picked up. No weird odors, except for the oak tree smell. The History Channel was on the TV in the corner showing Ax Men: Man vs. Mountain. I always wondered what kind of people watched that show.

  In the corner on a card table, I noticed a stack of old paperback books, some boxes, and a few rolls of clear packing tape. I knew the books were probably part of Gabby’s “collection,” but what were the boxes and tape for?

  4.Paul Bunyan came back, opened the screen door, and handed me the paper and pen. I scribbled my name and number on the memo pad and handed it back to him. “Gabby’ll be sorry she missed you,” he said. “Things have been kinda hard, well, since you know…I’ll have her call you.”

  Paul let the screen door close, and I felt my Gabby Guilt headache turning into a migraine.

  Four Questions I Had as I Walked Home from Gabby’s House

  What did Paul Bunyan mean when he said, “Things have been kinda hard since…”?

  1.Since what? Since her mom died?

  2.Since kids started making fun of her?

  3.Since she started laughing for no reason at all?

  4.Since I started being a big fat jerk to her?

  The Reason I Didn’t Write an Apology Note to Gabby

  Even if I used every one of Old Hawk’s vocabulary words, there would never be enough of the right words to apologize for how I’d been treating Gabby.

  The Reason I Didn’t Sleep That Night

  Gabby never called.

  Four Things That Happened on the Bus the Next Day

  1.I sat with AlliCam and stared out the window while they argued about whether Audra Marshall used fake tanning lotion or not.

  2.Gabby got on and sat in her new usual seat behind the driver. She didn’t even look at me.

  3.Jackson Dawber tossed someone’s shoe up the aisle of the bus. He was smart and threw it low enough so the driver didn’t see. It hit Gabby in the calf. She turned around and gave Jackson a nasty look. (She knew he had done it because everyone was pointing at him.) She passed the shoe back.

  The whole thing would’ve been over if Jackson wasn’t such a moron.

  “If your calves weren’t as big as cows, it never would’ve hit you!” he yelled. Jackson’s audience laughed. And when he started saying, “MOO! MOO!” AlliCam started giggling.

  Since when did they think Jackson was funny? They both turned around, and Alli said, “Oh, Jackson, you’re hysterical.”

  4.All the attention gave Jackson the incentive he needed to be even more of a moron, which I didn’t think was possible.

  He started singing to the tune of “Bingo.”

  “There was a farmer who had a calf that turned into a cow,

  G-A-B-B-Y,

  G-A-B-B-Y,

  G-A-B-B-Y,

  And Gabby was her name oh.”

  AlliCam actually started clapping along.

  That’s when I knew an apology would never be enough. I couldn’t just say I was sorry. I had to do something to show I was sorry.

  A Note I Passed to Gabby during Homeroom

  Gabby,

  I changed my mind about the kindergartners. Let’s do it!

  Abigail

  What I Said to Old Hawk after the Rest of the Class Had Left Homeroom

  “Miss Hendrick, Gabby and I would like to volunteer to be guest readers in the kindergarten class.”

  A Note Gabby Passed Me in the Hallway before First Period

  Abigail,

  Glad you changed your mind about reading!

  Sorry I didn’t call last night.

  Got home late from babysitting.

  Gabby

  Two Questions I Asked Myself

  1.When was the last time I babysat?

  2.Why had I stopped?

  Two Answers I Came Up With

  1.It was hard to remember, but I think it was last spring just after AlliCam stopped babysitting.

  2.What I do remember was hating to miss out on time with AlliCam when I was babysitting.

  Another Thing I Wondered

  Why did all that seem like such a long time ago when it was only just last spring?

  Three Things That Happened the Next Week While Gabby and I Practiced after School

  1.We found out that besides The Little Engine That Could, we both loved a lot of the same books. Where the Wild Things Are was one of our favorites, but we were afraid it might give the kindergartners nightmares.

  2.We decided to make the kids laugh instead of scream, so we chose Green Eggs and Ham. The problem was that, while we practiced, we spent most of our time laughing. Gabby had this way of making her eyes really round and then pushing her chin down to make a big frown, and at the same time making her neck seem really long. Wearing the paper hat that we made, she looked just like the guy who didn’t want to eat the green eggs and ham. It was hysterical.

  3.We decided to memorize the book so we could story tell it instead of read it. We knew the kids would like that better.

  Two Questions AlliCam Asked Me When I Got on the Late Bus with Gabby

  1.What are you doing with her?

  2.You guys aren’t friends, are you?

  The Answer I Gave Them as I Slid In to Sit Next to Them

  “You know I’m bombing LA with Old Hawk. I gotta get more extra credit points or my grade’s going down the drain.”

  I didn’t say it loud enough for Gabby to hear me.

  The problem was, even though Gabby didn’t hear me, I knew what I’d said, and the surge of guilt made my ears ring so loud they hurt.

  Three Things That Happened the Next Week during School

  1.Gabby kept trying to make me laugh during class by looking at me with the Green-Eggs-and-Ham face.

  2.At first I held back the giggles, but finally I couldn’t hold it in anymore. The hot lava inside me was turning into laughter. It felt good to let it seep out.

  3.Jackson-the-Troll Dawber said to Brent in the hallway, “Gabby must’ve put a bizarro spell on Abigail because she’s acting like a real reject lately.”

  It made me wish I had some real green eggs and ham so that I could shove them down Jackson’s throat, but I counted to ten instead.

  Something Gabby and I Did at Lunch

  Came up with our own secret sign. When we walked by each other in the classroom or hallway, we held up our fist toward the other person and whispered, “That Gab-I-Am, that Gab-I-Am. I do not like that Gab-I-Am,” Or, “That Ab-I-Am, that Ab-I-Am. I do not like that Ab-I-Am.”

  It wasn’t a secret pom-pom girl wave, but it was still fun.

  Something I Was Starting to Be Thankful For

  That AlliCam weren’t in my homeroom.

  A Note I Got from Gabby

  Abigail,

  Can’t practice today. I have to get to the post office after school and then babysit for the Welches. The kids are kind of a nightmare, but they pay really well, so I didn’t want to say no. Need the extra money.

  Sorry,

  Gabby

  P.S. Maybe we can practice before school.

  One Thing That Surprised Me about Gabby’s Note

  It really bummed me out that we couldn’t practice after school.

  Two Things I Wondered after Reading Gabby’s Note

  1.Gabby was ALWAYS babysitting. What did she spend her money on? Not clothes, that’s for sure.

  2.The post office? What did she have to go there for? I wondered if it had anything to do with the card table full of books, boxes, and packing tape I had seen in her living room.

  Two Things I Was Happy About

  1.That
morning, Old Hawk put new books in each of our reading baskets.

  2.She put Island of the Blue Dolphins in mine, so I added it to my list of things to take home so I’d have something to do after school.

  Five Things That Happened during Our First Story Time with the Kindergartners

  1.I was SOOOO nervous. I went to the bathroom six times before we started. Gabby was ready to kill me. She thought I was going to chicken out on her.

  2.Mrs. Carwell, the kindergarten teacher, introduced us like we were somebody important.

  “Boys and girls, we are so lucky to have two wonderful guest readers with us today.”

  The kids clapped like we were celebrities. To get them to stop clapping, Mrs. Carwell had to flick the lights on and off three times.

  Then she went on. “Let’s be good listeners and keep our hands and feet to ourselves.”